I have more aquaintances than friends.

I find more satisfaction in volunteering and therapy work than investing any time in friendships. (in real life, anyways).

A friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move BODIES.

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A friend is someone you can call at 2am to come bail you out of the drunk tank. A REAL FRIEND doesn't need to be called, his ass is in there with you.


(Dang, seems some of my friends beat me to these. (Please upvote them on page 1.) That's what I get for replying before I read them all.)

"That easy equanimity..."

-Penny Arcade

A friend in deed, is a friend in need. No matter the circumstances, he is there to weigh the pros and cons and ready to say the truth no matter how it hurts so long it will be for the betterment of his friend.

A friend is who tries to convince you not to do something stupid, but when you do it anyway he just helps you with it.

You know where it is coming from.

Thirdeye, I know I'm probably late on this but please tell me that your avatar isn't a picture of your turtle head.

Huh?
Did you mean skull?

Got that backwards. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Means you can expect cooperation from someone that needs your help, not that they are really your friend.

I prefer the corollary:

A friend in need is a pain in the ass.

"A friend is no more loyal than a mercenary - you pay your debts with kindness."

Seems a pretty bleak outlook, but how many people from your past who you never talk to did you once consider a friend.